With the shutdown still at a firm stalemate, it was an insufferably slow news cycle for the media last week. So, to cope the ‘Guardians of the Truth’ spent the week hyper-inflating completely monotonous events as if they were ground-breaking news stories. 

First on the docket was the completely non-newsworthy story that second lady, Karen Pence, would be returning to work at a Christian school she taught at years ago. The private school has the impudence to follow the strict teachings of the Lord as outlined in the Bible and as a result, requires staff, students, and parents not to engage in homosexual behavior in addition to adhering to other biblical lifestyle tenets. The fact that a Christian school would not permit homosexuality was apparently a clandestine belief to the left. Who could have foreseen this? Pro-tip for liberals, none of the Abrahamic religions permit homosexuality, including Islam. I’m still trying to figure out how leftists are going to circle that square into their intersectional assembly. 

Then Thursday evening, the ‘journalists’ at Buzzfeed published a ‘bombshell’ asserting that sources had informed them that Michael Cohen has admitted to the Special Counsel that President Trump directed him to lie to Congress regarding business dealings in Russia. The Walter Duranty wannabes claimed to have documentation from anonymous (of course) sources to prove the claim. As with every other mendacious Trump headline we’ve seen for the past two years, the claims were debunked within 24 hours, this time by Robert Mueller himself in a rare public comment on the matter. Now, admittedly, a news story like this would have made me nervous two years ago and perhaps prompted me to quietly purge any MAGA hat donned photos of myself from social media. However, given the pathetic failures of the media in recent years and their obvious contempt for Trump, this story was undoubtedly going to be false, especially since it originated from the amoebas at Buzzfeed. Anyone who took this story as earnest reporting is too far to the left on Bell Curve to be taken seriously.

Finally, the weekend social media feeds were rife with condemnation of a MAGA hat wearing teen in a stand-off with a Native American tribal member. The original clip showed nothing more than an older man hitting his drum and singing in very close proximity to a teen staring back at him. The left accused the teen of being ‘disrespectful’ with soy boys calling to scalp the young lad with the Gillette razors they just used to sever their scrotums. Elizabeth Warren immediately started tweeting outrage from her teepee. And Reza Aslan posted a photo of the teen asking ‘Is this the most punch-able face you’ve ever seen?’ For the record, no Mr. Aslan, it is not. That title belongs to David Hogg. 

Had the media put as much effort into fact-finding as they did into their indignation, they would have quickly found a two-hour livestream that proved the elderly man walked up and confronted the teen. Accusations of ‘build the wall’ chants were completely unfounded as no such chanting has been captured on video. Although there were some pleasantries exchanged between the Native American men and the teen boys when the protected class of minorities started telling the teens to go back to Europe. For a full comprehensive analysis on the incident check out Tim Poole’s coverage here

The footage, even in its original context appears more of an awkward confrontation rather than animus. The kid is just staring back at the man but leftists acted as if he had just smothered him with a small pox blanket.

The omitted video also revealed some fine fellows known as the Black Israelites. CNN described the actions of these men as ‘preaching the Bible,’ a very generous interpretation of their scripture reading. Somehow 30+ years as a Catholic including eight years in parochial school and I must have missed the part of the Bible where it read ‘Don’t give the f*ggots any rights.’ Perhaps its in the King James version. Usually Bible thumpers yelling gay slurs is primetime gold for the mainstream media, but I guess they were just too burnt out from chastising Karen Pence earlier in the week to call out the Black Hebrew bigotry.

The media loves to refer to certain news stories as manufactured… until they arrive at your border pummeling rocks at your citizens demanding entry. But this week proved to be nothing more than the very manufactured scandals they admonish. Let’s hope that this week brings some real meat to the news desks. Maybe, in fact assuredly, Alexandria Occasional-Cortex will say something stupid we can discuss. Maybe another dozen Democrats will announce a run for the presidency. But as for the moment, the government is still shut down, Trump is still your president and Hillary Clinton is not. 

Praise the Lord.